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11

Jan

2011

Filling In The Blanks

By Bill. Posted in FWB Guides | Comments Off

Fill in the blanks

You’re looking for the type of friend who can share secrets, have some fun, and improve the quality of your life. You’re willing to do the same for someone else. Where do you find that person, and how do you get started?

Luckily, that’s the easiest part of all!

Many people now want the ease of a non-romantic, but intimate relationship. Matching them up is made easy by using a reliable online service, where people can get together and chat, get to know one another and move on from there. You don’t have to spend years building a friendship or looking for one when you can find what you need a few clicks away.

That’s the first part, but how do you know what you want in a FWB relationship?

Here are a few questions to ask yourself before you get started.

Do I want something that is short term, or do I want something with potential down the road? You may not need to answer this one to carry on, but if you go in with an idea of what you are looking for in this relationship, you may find it easier to find someone who matches up well with you.

What, exactly, am I looking for in an FWB relationship? Do I just want scorching sex after dinner? Do I want something a little more refined, like someone who shares my interests and goes on other activities with me? Knowing this will let you know whom to look for.

Am I flexible enough to compromise on my desires to make this work? We can’t win ‘em all. In an FWB relationship, we have to be ready to make some compromises to make it work. If we aren’t, this might be an avenue for us.

Ask yourself those questions and make sure you’re honest with your answers. If you are, you will likely find the person you want faster and the relationship will be more fulfilling. Good luck!

 

7

Jan

2011

Not Ready For There Yet?

By Bill. Posted in FWB Guides | Comments Off

At some point, many people want to settle down and do the family thing. The trouble is, the “some point” differs vastly between people. Some people find a sweetheart in high school and that’s that. Some people pursue careers and other dreams before they are ready to settle down. Some want to seriously test the water before they commit to one person. Another group never really does want to settle down to a routine.

There is no “right” answer as to when someone should settle down, except to say that if you aren’t ready, it’s probably a bad idea to get involved in a long term relationship.

That’s where friends with benefits relationships are really the best of both worlds. On the one hand, you get the intimacy you need with a person you can trust. On the other hand, when it’s time to move on, there aren’t any hurt feelings, crushed egos, or legal messes to sort out.

Not ready for there yet?

Why is a friends with benefits relationship superior to marriage if you aren’t ready to make the commitment to a long-term monogamous relationship? One of the first things that comes to mind is that in the friends with benefits relationship, you can practice monogamy without the binding structures that offer no other options. Some people need that sort of transition from anything goes to “it’s only you from here on.”

The friends with benefits relationship also simplifies intimacy. As time goes by, you get to know another person’s likes and dislikes, his or her’s rhythms and attitudes. This makes it an easy relationship to maintain, or sever if needed.

Another practical function of the friends with benefits relationship is that it gives both people options should they decide it IS time to settle down. Do I want to be with him or her, or do I want someone else? This question is easier to answer with the time invested in the friendship.

Maybe the biggest benefit of all is that a friends with benefits relationship lets you enjoy the company of someone you like, and who also shares your view of intimacy. Why rush in when you have a friend who will walk along at your pace? When you think about it in those terms, a friends with benefits relationship is the perfect vehicle to get “there” when you’re ready, and not too early, or late.

 

21

Dec

2010

Three words can mean so much – or so little

By Mark. Posted in FWB Guides, Uncategorized | Comments Off

.  It’s a popular phrase used by many people to define a casual relationship designed to avoid those other three words: “I love you.”  Contrary to popular belief, a casual relationship is not the equivalent of “friends with benefits”.  The term “casual relationship” describes a less formal agreement between two people where physical and emotional attraction plays a part.  Emotions are not supposed to play a part in “friends with benefits”.  So what exactly does “friends with benefits” (FWB) mean?  Some refer to it as an excuse college students make the morning after they have a drunken hookup.  Others use the term to describe many different types of relationships – people who are friends first then pursue a sexual relationship; ex-lovers who sleep with each other on occasion; acquaintances who stumble into the beds of one another.  In other words, “sex friends”.

The FWB situation has been defined as “friends or maybe only acquaintances that have a spoken or unspoken agreement to have sex occasionally, without ever pursuing a romantic relationship.”  Simply put, FWB is more than a one-night stand, but less than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  It is casual sex with the same person – with no strings attached.

Many believe having FWBs is the best of both worlds.  It’s cost free and eliminates days, if not months, of traditional dating rituals.  Forget wooing a girl with flowers and dinner or waiting the culturally mandated three days before returning his phone call.  There are no hurdles to jump, no mind games to play and no rules. Sex is the only question and the only answer.  There is no looking for love when pursuing a FWB relationship.  Also, there is no pressure – expectations and limitations are non-existent.  There is no stress to impress. You don’t have to dress up and do the bar scene every night or be as well-endowed as Ron Jeremy or as flexible as Jenna Jameson. You are who you are.  A FWB relationship exists for one thing and one thing only: sex.  This means you and your partner don’t have to be joined at the hip all the time, just when you’re in between the sheets.  What happens outside the bedroom is of no concern.  Jealousy is not a word in your vocabulary.  The most important thing is: having a FWB is convenient.  Sex is only a phone call away.  FWB has helped turn the term “booty call” into a cultural icon.

FWB is revolutionary by today’s standards.  For more than the past twenty years sex-ed has attempted to teach abstinence before marriage to children as young as six or seven.  And yet, the percentage of people participating in casual affairs continues to go up.  The existence of FWB relationships promotes sexual awareness and experimentation and encourages people to embrace their sexuality. And the ideal FWB situation, where the partners are intimate, but not emotionally invested, provides a sexually safe, but non committed relationship that gives the partners the physical satisfaction that they desire, while avoiding the emotional stress that can come from a traditional intimate relationship.