The casual sex scene’s gotten a lot bigger these days, thanks to legions of cheating men & women finding each other on sites designed specifically for married or attached individuals seeking a little side action. Top sites such as AshleyMadison.com boast 8 million members, thanks to aggressive advertising campaigns as well as basic human nature.
What’s the deal? Who are these people? Redbook reporter Lisa Taddeo’s MSN Lifestyle article investigates the men behind the profiles, and comes up with some not-so-surprising similarities. Anyone who’s been actively meeting new partners should be able to identify:
- the restless intellectual, wondering what he’s missing
- the sad sack looking for respect/admiration
- the newly tied-down party guy missing his single days
- the sex freak who can’t keep it in his pants one minute
Looks to me like guys keep being guys whether they’re married or not. Which is a point Lisa brings up after spending time with “H,” a 30ish engineer engaged to a woman with high marks in every regard but he’s obviously not committed if he’s cheating on her. Why go through with the marriage? Lisa suggests these men take it for granted they must eventually wed in life: “If they’ve dated a woman for X number of years, marriage comes next, an obligatory stop on the endless conveyor belt.”
Well duh. Women do this too, and then they wake up a few years after the ceremony to realize the guy they’re hitched to hasn’t done any of the shit he used to talk about, and furthermore he is the biggest fucking baby… My point is: it’s not uncommon for people to put pressure on themselves to get married, and in doing so choose the wrong person. We’re all guilty of being blinded by our own unrealistic expectations, at some point. You live, you learn.
Perhaps what we can get from Lisa’s intel about “cheaters” is that they’re not all that different from you and me. In fact, they ARE you and me. And our fathers and our mothers and every person who’s not had the heart to tell someone they didn’t love them anymore.
I’m thinking sites like AshleyMadison actually help marriages endure, because so many couples are together out of convenience or duty more than genuine love and passion. Life is long, and it’s hard enough to just tolerate another person “forever,” let alone maintain romantic attraction to them & only them. Love is by nature fickle and ephemeral — that’s part of the rush.
If familiarity breeds contempt, ”infidelity” websites nurture our inner selves so that we can continue supporting and sacrificing for our families. We all want to be needed but we also want to be desired. To be attractive. To feel the flush of infatuation from time to time. A bit of clandestine intrigue can go a long way towards smoothing out the long, rough road of daily life.
Ready to explore? All you need is a profile describing what you’re looking for. No need to post photos or details publicly — most sites allow you keep potentially incriminating information hidden until you grant access with a private key or code. Using internal website messaging keeps your communications discreetly separate from your home or work email accounts.
Meeting and corresponding with prospective sexual partners can be exhilarating! Often, just trading messages back & forth can be surprisingly satisfying, after years of monotony. Er, monogamy. Ha! Is it any wonder those two words sound so similar? Might as well be synonyms.
So let’s not worry about changing our lousy husband or warming up a frigid wife. Chances are, you’re ridiculously mismatched anyway. What do you expect? That was so long ago. You’re totally different people now.
But you’ve got a family to take care of so don’t jump ship. Just sneak off into your own private lifeboat for awhile.
(seems to work for the Europeans)